The San Francisco Sociopath


We’ve all fallen victim to those charming individuals who weasel their way into our lives and say exactly what we want to hear, but never did I expect to meet (and ultimately become a victim of) The San Francisco Sociopath.

We first met online, which isn’t something I do often. He was incredibly handsome – athletic, gorgeous smile and big dimples (ok, ok maybe I’m a little shallow) but he was also so much more than that. The SFS was incredibly intelligent and witty — which are both very important to me.

We hit it off immediately with our tales of travel. After a month or so of chatting, we had our very first FaceTime and I got to see his handsome face in motion. He was just as adorable as I had hoped. After a few days of this, he asked me to be his date to a wedding in Alabama. He was going to fly into my city and drive us to the wedding.

After a LOT of consideration, I agreed. I was terrified and excited. I had never done anything like this. Was he going to attempt to murder me? I tried my best to bail on him a few times, realizing how terribly this whole situation could go.

“Don’t leave me wondering what could have been,” he begged.

I didn’t want to wonder what could have been either so I stopped putting up my guard and agreed to give this thing a shot. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t open up to anyone right away and he was slowly inching his way into my heart.

Finally it was the day of his flight. Feb. 27 to be exact. I lied to get off work early and prepared myself before I picked him up at the airport. I waited in the cell phone lot until he called to say he was standing outside waiting on me.

As I drove to the arrivals, my heart was racing and my palms were sweating. I was nauseous and couldn’t remember being that nervous in a long time. I pulled up and popped the trunk and he got into my car. Our conversation was easy and comfortable and I was happy that he was there.

That evening, we just enjoyed each other’s company over a few beers before we met up with friends of mine for a night on the town. As my friends started to show up, he forgot I was there. He didn’t look at me or even talk to me and I was starting to feel hurt. This didn’t change until it was just the two of us.

We got back to where we were staying and had a heated argument about the evening and how I felt like he wasn’t even there for me. Somehow this led to a civil conversation about our feelings and ended with our very first kiss. And boy, was he a good kisser.

The days went on and I grew more and more interested in The SFS. We talked about his possible move to my city (for a temporary time), what could happen if we worked out and he ended up going overseas, we planned his St. Patrick’s Day trip and even discussed future vacations together. I toyed with the idea of a relationship with him in my mind. My heart was happy.

The wedding day came and I was nervous to meet his friends. I wanted to impress them and more than anything, I wanted them to accept me. I wasn’t feeling well, but did my best to enjoy myself and my handsome date’s company. After the reception, we spent time with his friends at a local bar in his tiny town. After a while, I was once again ignored and found myself growing bored.

I interrupted his conversation to politely tell him I was tired (after all, I wasn’t feeling well) and ready to leave. I insisted he stay and have fun with his friends but he just wouldn’t have it. Our car ride home was awkward and he was irrationally angry.

The next morning, he left before I was awake and I knew things were bad. I knew he was angry with me, even if he shouldn’t be. When he finally got back, we had a long conversation. He told me he was going to leave and get a ride back with someone else. “This just didn’t work out like I had hoped,” he said. I didn’t put up a fight but instead tried to say my goodbyes, but he wouldn’t let me. He didn’t actually want me to leave. He held me and told me he forgave me and that was that.

I decided to make an effort to show him how he made me feel. I decided to finally open up and let him see who I truly was, despite how difficult it was for me. I was affectionate and sweet and complimented him. That continued for the next two days before he left. It was perfect and I knew looking at him before he left that I wasn’t the only one sad.

“This weekend went by so fast, I don’t want to leave,” he said. And I felt exactly the same. When I dropped him off at the airport my heart was heavy. I called one of my closest friends to keep myself from crying. I just wanted to spend more time with The SFS.

…And then it happened.

He got back to San Francisco and I didn’t hear from him for 24 hours. I texted him to tell him I was feeling confused about what was going on and let him know I missed him. His response made me feel like someone stabbed me in the heart, despite the fact that our “relationship” was a short one.

“I quit caring,” he told me in a text. “I was pretending the last couple days.”

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. The look he gave me as he was leaving was fake? The way I felt when he held my hand was pretend? The things he told me he felt were all a complete lie?

I was devastated and felt completely stupid. My friends couldn’t believe it either, they were just as furious as I was. We were all duped.

The very next day, I decided to start a dating blog. It’s hard to go through these difficult times alone and I needed a release. If nothing else, I want to thank The SFS for allowing me to start this blog that can be a release not just for me, but for others, on our search for true love.


Dame Dessa

(Are you recently recovering from dating a sociopath? Check out this great post ‘Dating After Sociopath‘ on Sociopath Life.)


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