Don’t Drink and Dial


Oh, the drunk dial. If you’re a fan of beer, wine or liquor — you’ve probably been there. I’ve turned to booze a time or two after a bad breakup, but learn from my mistake: DON’T DRINK AND DIAL!

I was in, what I thought, was a perfect relationship and then it happened…my (slightly boring) boyfriend decided it wasn’t going where he thought it was going and that he could no longer tolerate the four-hour drive to see me.

Our long distance dating was over — via text message. Despite my numerous phone calls and texts in return, my boring boyfriend wouldn’t respond.

I was heartbroken. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was devastated.

I finished work. I packed my car and I drove to the one person who makes me feel the best – my mom. After a few days of Tylenol PM and mom hugs, my best friends decided I need a night out.

I got dolled up. I FINALLY showered (I was really starting to smell). I put makeup on and I had a night on the town with my best girls — and our best friend, booze.

We were having a great time! I was dancing and flirting and I was generally getting my mind off the guy I thought could be “the one.”

When our night was over, we went to another friend’s house and watched some TV before the alcohol helped everyone pass out one-by-one — except for me. The Fireball had caught up with me and all I could think about was my boring (ex) boyfriend.

In my alcohol-induced state, I began to think that if I called him he would definitely want to see me. He would definitely pick me up. He would definitely want to get back together.

So I called. And I called. And I called. And I called.

Then it hit me. He was at his parent’s house! Although I didn’t have their number, I did have a phonebook. I looked them up and dialed. Someone answered, it wasn’t him, so I hung up.

Then I saw that there were several numbers listed for his family in the phonebook. Guess I’d have to call them all! So I called them all (thanks, Fireball) and when anyone would answer that wasn’t the BB, I’d hang up. Over and over and over again.

I finally fell asleep that night but I no longer had my dignity. I’d made a complete drunken ass out of myself to every single member of his family! Any hopes I’d had of getting back together with the BB were ruined — and my reputation with his family was also ruined.

Lucky for me I learned my lesson. I never (under any circumstances) allow myself to drunk dial. I’d prefer to keep my dignity in tact from now on, and you should to. If you decide you want that whole bottle of wine post-breakup, do NOT (I repeat) DO NOT pick up your phone. You’ll thank me in the morning.

Dame Dessa


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