The Stage 5 Clinger

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Let’s talk Tinder Tragedies for a minute… whether you’re new to this app, only heard of it but not participated, or have a tragedy yourself — boy, do I have a story for you! As with most Tinder stories all was well at first. The first couple of days were like magic! I had found an attractive guy with similar interests that I could easily talk to. Sounds great, right? Well friends, it went south very, very quickly.

At first Shawn seemed like your average, down-to-earth guy and we hit it off immediately (if you count Tinder messages as a way to “hit it off”). We had a lot in common and our conversations flowed easily. After a few hours we exchanged numbers and continued to talk via text. Later that night, he called and as we continued to talk, the similarities grew by the minute. We decided to Skype later that night and all went well! I was getting comfortable talking to him about important aspects of my life. He was nice, respectful and seemed to really enjoy me droning on and on about whatever was on my mind at the moment.

This routine continued over the weekend and by Sunday (two days after we “met”) I was starting to feel like this was too good to be true. Here was this guy with a great job, similar interests, that seemed to accept me for the sometimes awkward overly talkative person I was. Basically, it just kept getting better and better. That’s when I knew something was up. When something seems to be too good to be true, it usually is.

Monday comes and we decided to meet for coffee. I was out of the weekend swooning session we had had being in constant contact and I figured it was time to see what it was like to meet face-to-face. We decided to meet up that night for coffee and I was a nervous wreck on the way over there, calling my closest girlfriends and sending the address of where I was going to be just in case something was to go south (Craigslist Tinder killer, anyone?).

When I finally got there the nerves had not subsided. I was stuttering, shaking and just generally uncomfortable, which is very uncommon for me. I’m typically that composed, witty, fun girl in most any situation but something just felt wrong about this.

Then the bomb came..

This man, whom I have only “known” for three days at this point, presented me with a KEY TO HIS APARTMENT because he felt that we were “made for each other.” Come to find out, he had already told his entire family about me, went and bought a handful of t-shirts for me (we both shared a love for Harry Potter – no judging!), and had even taken it so far as to call me his girlfriend!

– pause to let all that sink in –

Yes, ladies and gents, I’m talking stage fivee clinger from the moment we met…I know I’m fabulous and all but this was way too much even for the not so faint of heart.

What did I do in this situation? I RAN. Not literally, but I did use the very handy excuse of having to get home to my little one and left 10 minutes later. In the short time it took me to get home, this guy had proceeded to post 15 songs about “us” and our “relationship” on my Facebook page. Ones such as “Tell Her You Love Her”, “One Thousand Years,” so on and so forth. Thank goodness for Facebook and their privacy abilities or else my entire family (and everyone else I know) would have flooded me with questions. After all, this is a guy I had only known for 3 days!

That night, I was too flabbergasted to really react or do anything. He, on the other hand, had somehow walked away with a completely different version of the night’s activities. Shawn created a playlist full of 70 songs that reminded him about me. Songs like “Hey Pretty Girl,” “Dust to Dust,” “Let Me Love You” and oddly enough, “Amazing Grace.” (Not exactly sure how that church ballad got inserted there but that just goes with the whole nonsensical nature of the whole matter.)

Needless to say, I broke it off with him the next evening. He couldn’t understand where it was coming from. Why was I breaking his heart? Why was I willing to walk away from a man that was willing to give me, literally, anything I wanted? I couldn’t bare to break it down for him anymore than I already had. It got to the point where I had to block his number and never look back.

Moral of the story — if somebody tells you they love you (Oh yeah, did I leave that out earlier? ‘Cause that definitely happened.) within the first two days and provides a key to their house the first time you see them face-to-face…RUN. Run as fast as you can in the other direction and never ever look back.

-Searching Stella

(Photo Credit: San Diego Shooter, Flickr)

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6 thoughts on “The Stage 5 Clinger

  1. Hannah

    Holy moly!! I went through a stalker saying things to me way too soon, but who knew there were weirder ones out there!! That’s scary!

    • I don’t know what I would do if this happened to me — creepster alert. Luckily, SS hit the block button him. Since, he’s changed the Spotify playlist to hateful songs. 🙂

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