The Friend Zone

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When a lady puts a guy in the friend zone, there’s usually no escaping it. Granted there’s the occasional story of best friends falling in love but it’s pretty rare. Some guys just can’t comprehend this and this is my story of a friend desperately trying to escape the dreaded friend zone.

Lets start from the beginning. My sophomore year at a new high school, I met The Friend Zone. We weren’t exactly friends per say, but we did occasionally encounter one another in the hallway or in the school’s parking lot. I’d say at this point we were acquaintances (honestly, I thought The Friend Zone was a loser but who’s counting, right?!).

After many years and separate colleges, we both returned to our hometown to “grow up” and we began hanging out in the same circle. It was no secret to anyone that The Friend Zone was into me, but I made it very clear we were just friends.

One afternoon (you can’t even blame this on booze), The Friend Zone sent me this exact text.

“Ok. I’m naked on the couch for ya. Haha”

Ew. This text was not even remotely funny. I, once again, made my feelings very clear and separated myself from The Friend Zone for a while. We started hanging out again and one day, he invited me over to chill. About an hour or so into me being at his house (on the opposite side of the couch might I add), he brought up the topic of sex.

He then asked me if I watched porn.

THEN…he asked if I own sex toys.

“I’d watch that,” he said envisioning me using a sex toy… So. Disgusting.

I then awkwardly pretended I needed to leave and bolted towards the door. Think this would be enough for him to get the point? Well, he didn’t.

I once again took some space from The Friend Zone but that didn’t stop him from texting me a few weeks later.

“I was thinking. We should totally be sex buddies. Haha”

Again, where’s the joke?! This was not funny. Haven’t I dodged enough advances by now? Apparently not. An hour later, after my face turned back to a normal shade, and after I reached out for help from a girlfriend, I texted him back.

Me: That slot has been filled…literally
TFZ: Was it a possibility? Haha
Me: No, I thought you were kidding.
TFZ: Haha. I was.
TFZ: …halfway
Me: Stop that.
Friend. Haha. JK.
Me: You are ridiculous.

Needless to say, me and The Friend Zone are no longer friends — I avoid him at all costs. Dudes, take note, if a girl tells you she’s not interested — SHE’S NOT INTERESTED!

xo,
Dame Dessa

(Photo Credit: DoctorButtsMD, Flickr)

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