The Older Metal Man


Our faithful reader, Lyric, sent in a funny story about her first date with an older man — a very cheap older man.

This was my very first date with an older man…I was 17 and he was 24. Lucky, lucky me! I thought he was so cool.

I spent 40 minutes in the car listening to metal — loudly. No offense to you metal heads, but oh, my poor head! My poor ears! I hated it! Also not a great opportunity to get to know each other — yelling over loud music.

He drove me 40 minutes away for a movie. FORTY MINUTES! You’d think this drive would have led us to a fancy movie theater or even a quaint one in small historic downtown but no…he drove 40 minutes for a dollar theater! The theater was playing three movies, none of which suited my taste, so I told him to choose. “Kung Fu Hustle” was the lucky winner!

Then I sat through which felt like the longest movie on the planet! At the end he asked if I enjoyed it, “It was interesting,” I tried to say politely. When I asked him his thoughts he cracked a joke — or at least I think it was a joke…

“Good, but could have used a bit more hustle.”

He didn’t laugh so I’m still not sure if that was a joke. Then he took me to what he called a “surprise.” Fancy. I like surprises! My elegant date then took to me a crappy bar — where he used to work. So, being the 17-year-old I am, I ordered a diet coke while he drank a beer. Both of which were free.

He then asked me to play a game of darts. I hate sports — if you even consider darts a sport. I have no talent when it comes to darts. This was quickly apparent. We sat back down and after a bit of awkward silence he said we could go home — after another painful game of darts. I reluctantly got up to play when I realized he was inviting his old boss to play while I sat there alone in silence for an hour. What fun! I just wanted to get out of there!

We still had an hour-long car ride filled with metal. We again didn’t even try to talk over the loud music and I just wanted to be home.

Does anyone know what it’s like to want to get home so badly that you hit your driveway and reach for the handle before the car even comes to a stop? I couldn’t find the handle on the oversized truck in the dark! The penalty? A snuck-in kiss from his smoky, gross mouth! I’ve never felt so cheap in my life.

Ladies, if a guy takes you on a first date to a dollar theater 40 minutes away from your own perfectly good $6 theatre — END THE DATE. Like, before the movie starts. That’s what previews are for, right?

Lots of love,


(Photo Credit: Dazed and Confused, Gramercy Pictures)


One thought on “The Older Metal Man

  1. Okay, I’m a pretty bad metal fan and I still felt bad for you dear! Lol

    Oh my god! You know for a guy to be 24 years old, he sounded like he was in his mid 30s or early 40’s for the way you’ve described him. I would have hitchhiked my way home if I was on a date like this, because he sounds like a rude and cheap human being. I wouldn’t be surprised if you said he lived at home with his parents during this time. It’s also kind of funny that when we’re under the age 18, we tend to think the “older” guys are nice, have some manners, and willing to do pay for a good place to take his date. This is prime example of don’t judge a book by its cover. You could be wrong. 🙂

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