When You Least Expect It…

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We seem to focus a lot on dating disasters and catfishes here at D2D, but once in a while a love story comes along in the midst of all those dates gone wrong. One of our readers sent us her very own sweet story about finding love when she least expected it — and maybe when she needed it most.

Everyone knows that old saying, “you find what you’re looking for when you least expect it.” Well, I definitely wasn’t looking when I stumbled upon my soulmate. My future plans had nothing to do with dating, much less falling in love. I had even made up my mind to move back home in a few short months. So, this was exactly the last thing I expected to happen.

My past experiences with love have not been pretty or kind which is why I opted to stay out of any and all romantic relationships for two consecutive years. I had noticed my pattern of attracting men who were emotionally unavailable and I had problems committing anyway so this left me an easy out (if you knew my exes you would understand why I swore to myself to never settle again).

Insert Prince Charming here…for the first time in a long time I was physically attracted to someone. He just so happened to be a coworker. I told myself he was just eye-candy or a fun flirting experiment, I was testing my terrible flirting skills. That changed the day we hung out outside of the workplace for the first time. We were both nervous but strangely comfortable together especially when the ice officially broke and we discovered we shared the same birthday! I’m big into astrology and horoscopes so my interest for this man peeked to the physical and beyond. And to top it all off he took me paddle boarding for my very first time, paid for it all like a gentleman, and then he didn’t even try to kiss me! Now that last part threw me for a loop. I was certain if he were anything like other men I’ve known he would expect more than a measly kiss. I knew right then he was something special and I wanted more.

Fast forward three months…I’m no longer moving and I’m madly in love. He is the most intriguing, down to earth, loveable man and perfect for me. We spend lots of time together between work, dates and sleepovers. He definitely listens to what I have to say and we communicate thoughts and feelings on the deepest, most vulnerable level. As the strong Leo I am I require lots of attention and affection and he always meets my needs. I often compare myself to Goldilocks. He’s not too hot, or too cold, he’s just right. Even though I can spend all day bragging on my man I have to admit it’s not all rainbows and orgasms (though he does deliver there too).

I have my own issues, the kind I thought I had pushed far enough down where they couldn’t pop back up. I should know by now I can’t run from my problems forever. After being single so long, I had forgotten why I had once referred to myself as “damaged goods.” These assholes from my past had broken me down therefore creating an insecure, jealous, fearful bitch. Yes, now I have mentioned the not-so-glamorous aspect of falling in love and the age-old habit of letting my yesterday affect my today.

These are a few of my personal demons I had thought I reeled in and stomped out. Let me interject that I am not always so open and honest of the defects in character, but being in a new relationship they do occasionally take a walk in my head and jump out of my mouth. Sometimes it feels uncontrollable! One night I’m over at his house and basically out of nowhere in conversation my defenses go up, I shut down and shut him out acting as if I don’t care. My fear-driven pain comes out as anger because for me it feels more natural, more acceptable. Now I thank God he confronted me on this type of behavior. He agreed to be patient with me and help as much as he can. Could I ask for more?

Old habits die hard, especially for me in this department. Because I’m a runner and do not like to face my not-so-pleasant side (who does?), I decided to really buckle down and view the facts. I honestly asked myself is this man worth risking another heartache? Or, even scarier, is he worth letting my guard down completely for? A great man is one who encourages and loves with his whole heart — and I’ve found him. The hardest pill to swallow is not the fact that he could hurt me, but now rather I could hurt him. I foresee a lot of work when it comes to being open and honest on my part, and not allowing my past relationships and old reactions to creep up and sabotage the love I have today.

– Beach Babe

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