We recently got an email from a reader who was asking for advice. We want to preface this by saying we don’t have all the answers, we’re learning just like you! This poor girl was worried because she says all of her friends loathe her boyfriend — that’s right all of them, not one or two. What do you do in this situation? Lose your friends? Lose the significant other? We dive head first into this tricky topic.
I’ve lived by the notion most of my life that my mother is always right (I hate admitting this, by the way, but it’s true. Mothers know best.) — but it’s also true that your friends generally also know best. They see a side of your significant other that you may be romanticizing and they know you sometimes better than you may know yourself.
I’m actually dealing with this situation right now with a good friend of mine. She is dating a grade A loser. He’s not friendly. He has zero manners. He’s a big bore. Worst of all? He makes her be someone she’s not. She hides things around him. She can’t be the person she normally is. It’s heartbreaking to watch this week in and week out.
I made the mistake of talking to her about this, which has since caused a big riff in our friendship and taught me two things. 1. If you’re trying to tell someone something like this (especially your best friend) be extra careful with the words you use. Be sensitive and imagine hearing this from the other side. What words would you like to hear? 2. It’s best to be honest and tell them how you feel.
In my case, my best friend is still in the midst of this relationship but I know how it will end…just like all of the others she dates that are similar to him. In heartache. This is how she justifies it. She says she’s never been treated better but her standards are beyond low. Emotional abuse is something she settles for and in this case, she’s settling for being fake.
So what the **** do you do in this sucky situation?! If you’re the one dating a douche...LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS. I can not say this enough!!! They know best and they always have your best interest at heart. If you’re the friend…be gentle when telling your BFF how you feel. Give examples, give tips and show them why you feel the way you do (and maybe tell them that you’re not the only one who feels this way).
Check out this article by Thought Catalog called “When Your Friends Hate Your Signficant Other, Listen To Them” and see what they have to say (take special note of that last amazing sentence). Their post inspired this one so be sure to hop on over to their awesome blog.
Have you been in this situation before? How did you handle it? We want to know! Send your emails to firstname.lastname@example.org or leave us a comment below.
(Featured Photo Credit: Chris Ford, Flickr)