This is what happens when you don’t listen to your friends people…take it from me! Dame Dessa had it all spelled out in Five Terrible Tinder Cliches to Avoid but did I listen when Mr. Ab-licious asked me out? Nooooooo. That would be too easy. It wasn’t enough that his profile clearly stated he was a workout-maniac, much unlike myself, but he proceeded to send me ab and nearly naked self photos on the days leading up to our big date. Did I pay attention to any of those red flags? Of course not.
Mr. Abs and I had already been on a couple of lunch dates that had gone really well so far. He was handsome, successful, independent and complimentary. He really seemed too good to be true! Anyone will tell you that if someone/something seems that way it’s probably true. I found this out on our first actual date.
The evening started out well. I met him at his gorgeous condo in a very nice part of town that he did not share with any roommates — score! We then proceeded to go to dinner after a very short make out session. He opened every door from the car to the restaurant and was polite to the hostess and waitress which is an important quality to me. The conversation didn’t flow quite as well as I had hoped but we were in a very loud sports bar so I attributed it to the background noise.
We go back to his house and start to get cozy on his couch. This is where I made my first “mistake”. We started talking about what was going on in our lives. Just getting to know each other in a way that most people do in the beginning of any relationship. I told him about some of the big moves I had coming up and was just being myself.
Then came the dreaded line…”When I was your age…” HOLD UP! You are 33 and I am 27. You’re not that much older than me and even if you do have a few years on me do not refer to me as an inferior age. He then continued to explain that I seemed lost and proceeded to give me what he deemed as appropriate life advice to help me “find my path.”
Last time I checked this was a date not a psychiatrist appointment. I need neither guidance nor life lessons from you Mr. Abs-olutely Not.
After letting him ramble on for about oh, 30 minutes, he picked up his phone and started scrolling through whatever stupid app of his choosing. That’s when I said, “Well, this has been sufficiently awkward. That’s my cue to leave.” I grabbed my things and walked out.
I say all that to say this. LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS!!!! If they tell you that guys who show off their abs more than any other tangible thing in their life RUN AWAY! Good looks aren’t everything and I definitely learned my lesson on this one.
Yet another Tinder Tragedy down the drain…I’m down but not out.
– Searching Stella
(Photo Cred: Neal Fowler)