By now most of you know that I’m in Alcoholics Anonymous – see Sober Dating in a Drinking World – and am also divorced – see Dating After Divorce – so dating for me is no easy task. Plus on top of all of that I’m a single mom. It’s like the anti-dating trifecta. Could things be more difficult? Actually forget I said that.. it’s like an open invitation for complications. Either way, while working through my steps my sponsor had me do an exercise that has helped me identify what I do and don’t want in a partner. I call it my list of requirements.
You definitely don’t have to be in the AA/NA program to benefit from making a list of your own. You can write the list in any format you choose. I remember when I first started it was hard for me to pinpoint what I was looking for in a partner.. it was actually easier for me to identify what I didn’t want and that eventually led me to what my preferences actually are.
I’ll share some of mine with you so you can see what I’m talking about. Keep in mind these are in no particular order:
– must have a job, car, and own place (you’d be surprised at my past relationships how many men didn’t have one or more of those things)
– must be financially stable ON HIS OWN
– must have a sense of humor and understand sarcasm
– taller than me (sorry but it’s true)
– be supportive of my hopes and dreams
– good with kids
– comfortable in his own skin
Trust me this is only part of my list. Once I started listing out what I didn’t like my pen wouldn’t stop writing. One of the most important things to remember when making a list – if you decide to do so – is to do it while you’re single. Otherwise your list will start to look just like the person you’re dating.
The most beneficial part of having this list handy is when I see John Smith who doesn’t have a car, can’t make me laugh and still lives at home with his parents and I start to lust over him I can self-check myself. I bust out my list and realize he’s not at all what I’m ideally looking for in a potential partner. Granted, nobody is perfect and I may never meet anyone who fully meets every requirement on my list but I do believe there’s somebody out there who meets the majority of my ideal items.
It can’t hurt to be hopeful, right?
– Searching Stella