I’m going to get real honest with this post. There’s something that’s really been bothering me and I need to get it off my chest. I haven’t been having the best luck lately with Tinder and OKCupid – or as Dame Dessa and I call it OKStupid – and it’s left me feeling a little discouraged. There have been days that have gone by with only a match or two when my finger feels cramped from swiping left and right repetitively. It’s led me to a retrospective place about the whole dating game in general. And that’s when it hit me. Dating really is just that – a game.
I don’t know why it never dawned on me that dating is like a real life strategic game of Battleship. You’re constantly putting your best foot forward like Twister or going around in circles with the same guy – or type of guys – like the Hokey Pokey. I can’t tell you how many online dating profiles I’ve read that say, “I’m a cool, laid back guy looking for a laid back girl to do laid back stuff with.” Okay, maybe not in those exact words but I’m sure you catch my drift.
Here’s where things get tricky. I think guys are confused about whether they want “your real self” or if they want the best representation of yourself. I can’t tell you how many times guys have started out a conversation strong and seem genuinely interested in getting to know me… until they hear about me being a single mother. That typically seems to be the turning point. That may not be the case for everyone else but it’s been my experience that once you get past the typical formalities – where are you from, what do you do for a living, favorite bands and such – and you get into the less glamorous details of your life that’s when guys tune out.
When did dating become a form of self advertisement? Has it always been this way? Maybe I watched too many Disney movies growing up but I when I think of falling in love I want that person to love me for me. I love to get dressed up and go do fun, random, glamorous things but that isn’t my typical routine. I’m at a place in my life where I don’t feel like I have to go out all of the time. Sure, going to a nice dinner at a nice restaurant or seeing live music is great but I can be just as content sitting at home with a jar of peanut butter watching hours upon hours of Netflix – my true boyfriend that will never leave me – with that special someone.
Has anyone else experienced this downside of digital dating? There seems to be more competition to land “the right guy” than there is in the last 2 minutes of the SuperBowl. I’m getting more than tired of having to “sell” myself to the highest bidder! Wait – that came out all wrong but I think you get the idea.
Help a sister out! Or maybe we could help each other out. That’s what we’re all here for anyways, right? In the meantime I plan to kick it with my girlfriends and that jar of peanut butter that’s waiting for me in the pantry. Tinder can wait…
– Searching Stella
(Photo Cred: viZZZual.com, Flickr)