I’m going to get real honest with this post. There’s something that’s really been bothering me and I need to get it off my chest. I haven’t been having the best luck lately with Tinder and OKCupid – or as Dame Dessa and I call it OKStupid – and it’s left me feeling a little discouraged. There have been days that have gone by with only a match or two when my finger feels cramped from swiping left and right repetitively. It’s led me to a retrospective place about the whole dating game in general. And that’s when it hit me. Dating really is just that – a game.
It’s a topic most of us have approached at one point or another in our lives. The age old, “We can still be friends” is one of the most dreaded break-up lines I remember hearing and saying – mostly in college – when I didn’t want to say what was really on my mind. It’s the ultimate break-up cop out. You’re trying to let them down easy so you can walk away guilt free. Or even worse, you’re the one it’s being said to and you know they’re full of crap. Either way staying friends with an ex is tricky business. Let’s dive in a little deeper and see whether it’s really feasible or not.
I had some really long, lengthy post written up for this afternoon on some philosophical angle about dating but instead I’m going to link to a post from Hello Giggles. The article lists 15 things every girl should do before you let a guy put a ring on it. It resonated so loudly with me that I had to share! Have a read and tell me what you think!
Everyone has different ideas on what it’s like to fall in love. I recently began reading Chuck Kolsterman’s Killing Yourself to Live and while the entire book has blown me away, so far it was this particular segment that focuses on love – both past and future ones – that grabbed my heart and has stuck with me ever since.
By now most of you know that I’m in Alcoholics Anonymous – see Sober Dating in a Drinking World – and am also divorced – see Dating After Divorce – so dating for me is no easy task. Plus on top of all of that I’m a single mom. It’s like the anti-dating trifecta. Could things be more difficult? Actually forget I said that.. it’s like an open invitation for complications. Either way, while working through my steps my sponsor had me do an exercise that has helped me identify what I do and don’t want in a partner. I call it my list of requirements.
For the past year or so I had voluntarily taken myself off the dating market. After multiple attempts at first dates I was at a standstill. For one reason or another they just weren’t working out. I was in a different country for most of that year and had managed to keep myself busy with work, friends and me time – who doesn’t need that? Needless to say dating wasn’t at the top of my priority list.
I stumbled upon this hilarious clip of Aziz Ansari this morning while drinking my coffee. He shows how texting has had an adverse effect on dating, comparing it to being the secretary of a shady company. Aziz animatedly goes on to show the typical dating routine that has been – sadly – accepted by our generation.